"caring for her is sick and wrong"

I got very emotional reading, actually, the last Harry Potter book. I felt moved, felt love. And I started thinking of Aimateka again. I often do when I'm moved, when I feel I know why I live, what's most important to me.

I'm really struggling with my feelings for her. I don't know if my infatuation with her is sane or insane, healthy or unhealthy. I don't think she feels she has such a connection with me. I don't understand my connection to her, I don't think I understand her that much that often. Or I do in an intellectual sense, but not in an emotional one. Most of the time I'm really confused about what's going on inside of her. She isn't interested in sharing that, at all. I don't know why I'm even so interested in a person who is so, somehow, introverted around me. And still, if I think about her manner of sitting on the floor, anything about her, I feel great tenderness, vulnerability. I undertsand the way her gestures speak to me, of sincerity, of an unexplicable, boundless beauty. I hate it. Because when I think about how she sees me, and I know she has some affection for me, but then again, she doesn't really remember me, she said she had forgotten about me for about two months - I don't know why it hurts. I don't understand why it hurts. I wrote a poem about it. I know she doesn't want me to think this way. This is weak, this does not show independency or strength, this is just another sign that I'm mentally unstable and - for some reason I think - that's one reason she wants to stay far from me. I've been depressed, suicidal. I've gotten the impression she could have wanted to be more with me if I wasn't (I'm not telling everything about it here, I'm saying it more vaguely, because I don't know if it's the right impression, but that was the impression). Because depressed people aren't easy. They need help and it's a strain. And they can die all of a sudden. Maybe she doesn't want to care about me if I could just die at any moment. Well, the poem goes:

The thought that you don't love me
causes me to blindly want death

I know it's Wertherizing. (Goethe's Young Werther's Sufferings or something like that, the story where Werther is desperately in love with a chick and when she rejects Werther, Werther commits suicide. The guy's just devoured by her desperation.) And it sucks. I think Aimateka would absolutely despise it that I'm wertherizing. I think it's just the kind of thinking she hates. Making an infatuation into such drama, so impractical. So no-life for someone's whole life to depend on some chick. But I've gotten that urge, just to run into some blades the moment I realize I'm nothing to her. I want to run into death. It's pathetic. I'm not saying I would feel like hurting myself really, I'm not. I just fantasize about it. And if I died. Haha. Yeah, I'm fantasizing that if I died she would suddenly REALIZE she had loved me all along, just that she hadn't allowed herself to confess it to herself. Pathetic... but it's true. It's quite human. And I don't know why these ridiculous thoughts happen. I've also thought, that if she saw me being happy with someone else, maybe she would again REALIZE that she would want me to be with HER instead that moment. But I know that really, if she saw me with someone else, she would only be relieved that I would be off her back.

How can I love someone who doesn't love me? Marilyn Manson sings "I don't believe in the things that don't believe in me". And why would I? She must be stupid if she doesn't want to be with me, because I love myself, I'm one of the best people I know. She's missing out when she's not with me... although I know also that I can also be a really horrible person. Like everyone...

What the fuck is this one-sided connection? I wish I could stop loving her. I once thought that she is like a small fox that has curled up inside my heart. I want it out of me. I want to kill her from inside of me.

It means nothing to her that I love her. Nothing I'll ever do will make her love me.

I feel so sick. I'm not allowing myself to be so pathetic as to love her and it's making me sick that I can't love her. That what could be beautiful, caring, is so sick and wrong.

on my need of being loved + I want soulmate primitivists!

I'm very much of the time thinking about if I'm loved. It's something I feel I don't get enough of these days. I have very close friends. They feel like soulmates. But I would wish that they were somehow more available to me. Sometimes they feel like being hermits. The only people that are really available to me are my parents. We have some love for each other, but also many problems. I don't feel safe around my father, she is sometimes violent. I don't trust my mother is happy although she says she is and I sense my her needing my company more than feels comfortable to me. My parents don't have many friends at all, and we aren't with our relatives almost ever. My friends are generally not allowed in our (or their) house. I don't really trust my parents. They don't accept or understand me as much as I would hope.

In very many places, I'm driven by the thought: to whose arms can I go to, who can I embrace? Will someone see me, will someone love me? I don't know if this is healthy from a 20-year-old. Is this how a child should feel, the need for attention and tenderness from a caretaker, or is it healthy for adults also to have such a strong need for unconditional love? Am I unhealthy or just more open about my need than others, or both? Have I had too little love as a child, so that I've grown to always have that hunger, that space screaming for someone to fill it, someone's eyes to gaze at me with tenderness? I think everyone does need unconditional love through their lives, but I don't know if I'll ever live in a place where I feel I get enough. I do often feel I get enough when I spend a day with a friend, but after a week I can be again feeling very, somehow, desperate, alone.

I would really like to have someone stay with me. Stand by me. Live with me. Travel with me. Someone I could share thoughts with and hold. I don't need sex. Sex is welcome, but not something I necessarily need another person for. I would be happy if I could sleep next to someone.

I like most people. I want to hold most people. It's strange if they don't. And sad if they don't want to be held by me. But strange as it is, it seems to be the situation with some people. Well, with hippies it's the opposite. They and some random people are very loving and caressing.

I want to live outside of houses. In a yurt or something more primitive. I would like someone to come with me. Anyone? And in general, I would like to know more primitivists, especially in Finland. It would cheer me to learn more skills, help me on my way as a seeker to know native skills.

I have sometimes had trouble with wanting to hug and be sexual with so many people. I'm not so good at polyamorous respect. People have been hurt. I should practice putting a line before sexuality and not crossing it when there's danger someone will be hurt. In the past I've just been shagging everyone and broken hearts of my dearest friends. I don't want that. It would be better to be very strict about who I can shag, what is everyone ok with. But so many times hugging turns to sex. That's just what happens with adults.

I found a link to a primitivists singles group in Yahoo called The Wildhearted Ones. Seems great!

I find soulmates and I find primitivists. I still hope I would find soulmate primitivists to become my tribe and family.

why am I in love

I think about my being in love with this Aimateka human being. It causes me so much joy, and so much pain. I love it that she exists. She is the most beautiful thing I know. But I don't really understand what she feels for me or thinks about me. She went abroad and had said she would give me her e-mail, but hasn't and I don't know why. I have thoughts that maybe she doesn't want to, doesn't want to receive words or anything from me. That she doesn't see me as anything special, anything beautiful or anything she feels affection towards. Doesn't feel it gives her anything that I love her. It doesn't move her, because I'm insignificant. Maybe she feels uncomfortable about me loving her (which would be hard for me to understand. I love her, why wouldn't that be good for her? I don't just love her body or some mirage, I really love her. I love her soul).

I don't like it that I don't really understand from her behaviour if or in what way or how much she loves me. She has shown me affection, but then again, maybe it's just because she pitied me or felt it would be excpected of her. Maybe she doesn't really care about me. I don't think she would come help me if I was breaking down (she came to visit me when I was at a psychiatric ward though). But it may also be because she doesn't have a lot to give from, she isn't maybe doing so well herself that she could give empathy or support. Or maybe she has other things that just interest her a lot more.

I have thoughts that it would be good if I didn't love her since she doesn't maybe love me much at all. I would be a good person. Not desperate. I would have a life, in the 'get a life' sense. I wouldn't ache in vain. I wouldn't bother her. I would be strong, independent, an independent woman. Maybe I want to be like that. Say "Shoos, I don't care about any boys. If they don't value me, they can go their way. I have a full and busy life here at home."

But I can't help it that I think about her almost every day. Almost always when I go to sleep. I hope she knows I'm thinking about her, I hope she feels my love, some warmth, softness, a kind of caress, care. A warm wind. That she knows she's loved. I hope she feels it wherever she is. I wonder if she does. Or if I could become a bird and go to her. In one song from Värttinä they sing "linduisena lenteleisin kullaiseni kantapäil", "as a bird I would fly on the heels of my love". I would be a, what is it, not crow, but the bird that looks like crow except it has also grey feathers. "Varis" in Finnish.

That she exists is proof that the world is beautiful. But also, there's some suffering in her, I think. Somehow she isn't open wide, she has turned inside. Is that the reason she doesn't show love to me, that she hasn't got the courage to love anyone? Or am I just really not her sort, something not-anything? Maybe she's revolted by me. Maybe I should just understand it so that I should keep away from her? She hasn't said that, but does she mean it so? I don't even need to be her partner or lover, I'd just want to be of her tribe. To live in the same place, see her around every day, cook her food, do household work.

There's something wrong with her self-image I think. As if she wouldn't think anyone can love her. I get this impression. She doesn't believe it's her I love.

She says she can't explain what she thinks of me. It seems she has controversial feelings, something untangled inside of her. Or is she afraid to tell me at my face that she wants me to go away? I don't know.

I think I can't help turning my face towards her, dedicating my dances and songs and pictures for her. But like Björk sings "you''ll be given love ... maybe not from the sources you have poured yours, maybe not from the directions you are staring at". I need love and to get that, I must go to someone else.

But why do I feel this love? What good is it?

"I'll hide you away from the world you rejected"

I'm fascinated by a song and music video by Kosheen called Hide U, have been for years. The lyrics depict what I've felt for years for some friends who live in a world that hurts them. I've also in a way felt it towards myself. The world consumes us, makes us transparent, tears us apart. There's a fantasy of someone taking one away, so that one would never have to experience the horrors again. So many times I've wanted to take my friends away. They are so precious and I want to spare them from pain. But I have no place to take them.

The video depicts ugly concrete slum buildings and people alone in their flats, most of them showing signs of unhappiness and addiction (although nothing seems to be wrong with the transvestite boy, except living alone in that place). I recognize the atmosphere, that's what fascinates me, it's an atmosphere that has been with me a big part of my life. The ugliness, loneliness (the going home alone to a small flat is a big part of the atmosphere), unhappiness. People that are somehow trapped. The reason they are addicted is the emptiness, lack of community, lack of any compassionate spirit in society. Lack of humanity in the lives they are leading. Just work or school. Thinking about making money. And the music depicts this madness, the wanting to escape. Well, these are the things that I think about the video, not necessarily something the maker meant. Here's the lyrics and a link to the video.

Kosheen - Hide U
If you were in my heart I'd surely not break you
If you were beside me and my love would take you
I'd keep you in safety for ever protect you
I'd hide you away from the world you rejected
I'd hide you
I'd hide you

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mFaBxE1OzE

"The world you rejected"... hits home. It describes the way I can't deal with this place, I have to curl up and choose not see it, it's so bad that my life depends on it that I don't take it in, don't believe it's true, because if the world is Hell, I feel so much horror that my mind breaks, that I die. Our society is so fucked up. I'm trying to get my ass to some ecovillage or anarcho-primitivist community and hope it's a tad better there. At least there's not the ugly suffocated concrete greyness of the city. The most I hope is that I could get something in my life that resembled a tribe, a family.

The Raft Story

This is a symbolic story of life in civilization - a life without love - and how you need to make community happen to make it out of there.

I'm in the middle of an ocean without sight of land. I try to keep on holding my head above the water in the middle of nothing. Sometimes, usually between periods that seem very long, I find floating debris in the ocean, pieces of wood, and I tie myself to those pieces in order for it to be easier to float. The first piece of wood helps some, but I can't leave my whole weight on it, because tied to my whole mass it would also sink. I have to be strong and swim until I have in time collected a heap of debris. I have to make sure it is tied well together so that it will be a sturdy raft. Then I can lay upon it when I have used my strength, keep an eye that the tying stays firm, sometimes propel it forward with my feet, until one day I have reached land.

The ocean symbolizes my culture, the Euro-American mass culture, or more largely, civilization. It's the hopeless desert devoid of love and community, where you have to be strong and work and go on everyday without hope that you would ever find someone or someplace where you would feel loved, where you would wake up each morning renewed and curious. The debris are people that I can share love with. Only one person can't support me enough that if I give them all my sadness and desperation, they could have the time and the will to stay with me and give me enough love that I would stay somehow happy and sane - no-one alone can complete me. But if we find a lot of people who can share love with each other, we can all support each other, help each other each in ways that other's can't, and form a community that listens how everybody's faring and cares about it, so that everybody feels taken care of. Then everyone can take turns being sad or ill and resting and they won't be abandoned to die alone, but be supported by the community. And when someone has strength, they can work for the good of everyone. And all the time everyone must make sure that the ropes, which are inter-personal relations, are not breaking or coming too loose; that is, to deal with all the problems that arouse within the community at the moment they come and with honesty and openness.

There are some additions to the story (where the pieces of wood are actually humans now): We may have to look for a suitable island for years, because in some there are people who don't want us there, or there are too much people, or the land is polluted, but sooner or later we find a wild, beautiful island rich in lush vegetation and graceful animals that we can call home. What we find in the healthy environment feeds us, our love for each other feeds us, and we are happy.
BUT: If we come upon a motor engine to make our raft go faster or if we find a hair-dryer or TV or anything electric on the island, or if we invent such, we shouldn't in the name of our lives use it, because it will pollute our island and increase the greenhouse effect and the ocean will rise and then we'll be again lost in the middle of nothing, feeling really stupid. And we must be wary of making too much kids or we'll consume the island until it can't support us and we die - feeling really stupid.

At the time I am writing this (December 2008), I am still struggling in the ocean. I have found many friends who want to move to the countryside/the wild, but they don't know each other much yet, and we aren't really active in planning to move to a common home at the moment - so you could say my raft isn't tied yet and no-one's propelling. But having friends who I can share love with still keeps me above the water. I need their love as much as I need food or sleep.

Anarcho-Primitivist Gathering 2008 and Urvision 2008

I was on two Green Anarchist gatherings this summer. Here's my experiences from them, first from the Anarcho-Primitivist Gathering, then below Urvision. By now I've just written what I've had the energy to write, I'll maybe add stuff later.

Anarcho-Primitivist Gathering 2008, Poland 1.-31.7.
The camp happened in the countryside of Northwestern Poland at a place with hilly fields of wild hay (like a yellow Teletubby Land) and forest, with farms nearby, the distance to the nearest village being 7km. Half of the time it was hot and sunny, half rainy, with a little thunder and one rainbow. Most of the time we were about 25 people, at moments around 40.

We spent our time mainly learning primitive/survival skills from each other and from books (there was a fantastic library compiled from the books people brought!), having meetings about the camp, talking about social and emotional issues, doing practical tasks to keep the camp going, networking, and doing what we pleased.

The structure varied but was mostly loose: we had two meals a day, a brunch and a dinner/supper ("dupper","supadupa"), and best this worked when we had a rota with at least two persons to take responsibility to cook each meal. We had a facilitated camp meeting whenever someone wanted to, and workshops and discussions when someone said they would like to hold one.

We bought most of our food (Poland is cheap!) from the town and local farmers and supplemented it with small game: mice, frogs and grasshoppers. We also caught fish with some nets people had wisely brought. We also learned to make nets, but none got that big yet.

To me, the most important part was talking about socio- emotional stuff. I see myself as being what I feel, and I think the most important thing to keep you alive and happy in any situation is to have a good community; I have read it is at least as important as having basic survival skills.

Some people introduced workshops and structures that substantially helped make camp life interesting and comfortable in this socio-emotional sense. Most remarkable was the flagging-and-discussion practice started by a victimization-enabling workshop held by two people who had been in the yearlong programme of Teaching Drum Outdoor School in the USA, where they had learned about the concept. (Here's a text about it from Tamarack Song who came up with it and runs the school.)

How I would explain the concept is that when something happens to push a person into a state of fear and insecurity, (e.g. from rules, competition, judgement, neediness, authority, blaming) she can either be in 'active mode', face the fear and reality of the situation and try to do something to make it better, or she can go to 'victim mode' and behave according to a pattern that doesn't actually do anything to solve the situation, just make her feel it is less her responsibility, make her forget it, or just feel a bit better for a moment by doing something that creates instant pleasure. By doing the latter one victimizes oneself - chooses a mindset telling her she is stuck, incapable of making her life better. Everyone has their own sets of coping patterns, but their common charasteristic is that they put respobsibility elsewhere and distract. Some are anger, judging, blaming, denial, withdrawal, or self-medication. Self-medication is doing something that brings instant pleasure while avoiding to face the problem, like, food, tv, meeting friends, drugs, or sports.

Enabling is reinforcing the victimized person's view of being stuck, saying that her state is in fact grave and that it's completely someone else's fault.

Activating is saying to the person in victim mode that there are many ways to look at it, that she still has many good things and richnesses in her life (like health, or friends, or being born in a rich country), that the victimized person is actually very strong and capable of helping herself and that there are many people who she can ask to support her, she being the most active in the situation. One can also activate by flagging, which I explain next. It's good for the activator to also be empathetic and validate the victimized person's suffering and say that it is not the way her life should be, while encouraging herself to seek ways to change it.

Everyone has their own fears and coping patterns. In the workshop we were told about a group method to help ourselves grow out of them into more active people in our lives. It's called flagging, and it means that people who have agreed to have it as a practice will, when they during ordinary life see each other victimize themselves, 'flag' each other by showing a V sign with two fingers, so that the victimized person realizes her behaviour and sees her chance in the moment to change her mindset to a more fruitful one. If the person in victim mode does not know what the other person thinks is in her behaviour victimizing, the flagger tells her.

Part of the flagging was to gather regularly to discuss with a talking stick and tell in turns what fears one had experienced in the last days, what coping patterns they and others had seen in theirselves and what the flagging felt like. This was enormously relieving to me, to share fears, and feel accepted in spite of my weaknesses. It was also good to hear I wasn't (certainly!) the only one with such problems. And it seemed to help everyone to stop their unbuilding behaviour. We got to criticize each other and talk about the problems that had arisen,which purified the air, and solved many problems and conflicts.

One of the things we also got around doing was a sweatlodge. A lot of people felt bad about it first when it was ready because the building didn't go so well, too few people did it, the others had just disappeared. But we talked about it and hopefully learned something. The building itself was fine and we had sweats there many nights, in different customs and atmospheres, sometimes silently, sometimes talking about our deep feelings and intentions, sometimes with ceremony. I have very fond memories of these, hearing people's deep thoughts in the dark ness and warmth, coming out to the cool air and see a bonfire (where the rocks had been warmed) with people around it. The sight was so right, loved people naked around it in the red glow against the dark blue of the hay hills and the lake shore. Dancing around the fire, diving in to the cold lake. One night there was a sudden sound like a horde of horses or ghosts approaching, or a huge wave, and suddenly rain hit us. The sweatlodge did begin to mean for me something holy, a little. I wish my whole life felt sacred, being in contact with my relations, like art.

The 'policy' about nudity was that everyone could be nude when they wanted. Before we came to the camp there had been talk on the mailing list about it, someone had said it should be 'has to be nude', but generally the opinion was that it was free choice. It was a hot summer and people were usually in few clothes, sometimes naked. I was also. It felt great to be so free, and also to see people's bodies, somehow, to see people whole and to see all the different forms that humans can be, that are usually hidden away, so that we only see anorectic models, or maybe ordinary people in the swimming hall. My friend there said once, having seen people hug and hold each other, that "it was wonderful to see that all these different bodies are loved". For me it felt very natural and home-like, and I was glad we trusted each other so much. I once heard one woman say that someone was looking at her breasts in a way that was uncomfortable to her, and in the flagging discussion circle some men said that they are struggling trying not to objectify women, but I didn't feel the atmosphere around nudity would have been sexually objectifying or otherwise tense. I don't remember dicussing nudity much apart from these two instances.

What personal problems affected my experience were the treshold of eating unuasually well:
without much spices and sugar and only two or three times a day. I knew it was healthy, but I had very strong cravings for my usual less healthy food. I was also constantly wondering if I was working enough. I have a long history of depression and I had some mild depression also sometimes during the gathering. How it mostly was visible was that I slept unusually long (once 18 hours), and although I would have wanted to go jogging or do work, I had no energy or felt it was meaningless in the end. Most people were empathetic and told me not to work more than I could, many also activated me by saying that I could help myself with my illness, for example starting to exercise regularly, while some expressed their frustration over my not working as much as they wanted or did. I sometimes felt that people treated me unfairly, didn't understand I couldn't force myself to work with my broken mind any more than a legless person could force themselves to walk. I was worried over the issue through the whole camp. I also heard later that one reason that some people didn't want me to join their group planning a community was that I didn't work as much as they. After I came back to Finland my depression hasn't been that bad, maybe partly because I've been jogging every week and eating anti-depressants and having a regular lifestyle. I hope that in the next camps I'll be as active as a normal person. I also wish and want to create more workshops about mental illness so that we crazy ones will be more understood and less discriminated in green anarchist circles also.

(There's still a little stuff about both A-PG and Urvision in the end of this post.)


Urvision 2008 in Sweden, South of Stockholm, in 11.-17.8.

Urvision happened in a wood some 5km from a little town which was some 30minutes' train ride from Stockholm (as far as I remember). The forest was lovely and versatile and so untouched that one could drink from its lakes!

The camp programme was full of workshops, often three at the same time. There was native contraception and parenting, making moccasins, felting, butchering a deer, shamanism, tenderness/sex/orgy workshop (I held it, I'll maybe tell more about it later), history of the green anarchy movement, and so many more I passionately wanted to take part in but can't remember.

There were perhaps 60 people at the most, it's hard for me to estimate. People went to dumpster dive with a car and brought the food to the camp over the lake with a canoe.

There was most magical playing, singing and dancing in the night, and some people had a skill for such hauntingly beautiful singing, that I sometimes doubted if this was real, or in fact a movie or a fantasy world. Sometimes I could hear singing from everywhere around me in the blue evening, watching over the still lake, a canoe sliding past.

One of the greatest teachings I got from this camp were from my personal relationships with friends and lovers. I realized my way of being polyamorous was irresponsible and hurting my loved ones. I had made promises I didn't want to keep and I was coming on to a third person when my friend was uncomfortable and jealous with it. Knowing I want to learn to treat everyone well I also know things like this happen everywhere all the time and workshops about relationship skills and polyamory would be a great thing in the next gatherings.

Like I said before, the most crucial part about rewilding for me is the socio-emotional sense. I feel I need a tight, trustworthy community of people who love each other in order to be able to live mostly outside towns, where most of my friends are. The feeling of being loved and valued is an essential need for me, probably for almost everyone. And also the need to be in balance with my feelings, be open and honest about them and my fears, and feel I am listened to and everything I feel is accepted. And not to try to satisfy my need for something essential with any cravings for something unneeded, like sugar - not to self-medicate myself. In order to be able to live in the wilderness I need to be able to let my emotions flow free and trust the people around me - feel that I'm loved, safe - feel that I'm home. In these camps I got some slight whiff that life could be like that, but for me there didn't develop many very close bonds with people, even though I would have liked it to. I did get many friends. But it takes a lot of time and trust for people to become close. And trust is something we have learned as children not to have. These are some of the essential areas where there is much to unlearn and learn in a new way. Trust, honesty, openness. They and tribe social life in general were sometimes talked about in workshops about Truthspeaking, which was also very valuable (I'll maybe tell about this in length later.) One of the things it contains is owning one's feelings: not saying "Look, you made me cry!" but rather cry and maybe say "I'm sad". Also this concept was introduced by someone having been at Teaching Drum.

It's tough really living with people and being in the wild, taking a leap of faith (although I knew I was going back to the city after the camps) and be more than a month in forests. You see the people every day, you fish, cook, dig shitpits, gather firewood and food and so on every day. You have to be honest and open about your feelings or you'll get conflicts that ruin the atmosphere. You can't hide anything from the people. Or I feel it's better the less you hide. If it was a real survival situation, people have to be able to live together, take each other into account. I really realized that what goes around comes around, if I hurt someone, I'll have to face and feel that other human's hurt every day when I see her. It was a great gift that I realized for example that I'm not being so good at for example polyamorous respect, being an 'ethical slut', that I wish I was. There was some talk about, I don't remember the world, something like clan consciousness or tribe thought: that one thinks about the tribe first, and then oneself. I understand most Natives have that as one of the foundations of their world view. It's a huge difference to our own individualism, competition, utter loneliness and distrust.

All in all, these camps were emotionally really, really heavy, but taught and changed me a lot, and for the better. I hope my life was more like those camps every day. I got so many friends and so much skills and knowledge. And like I said, I got a sense that my life could be so much better. Rewilding really makes me happier. Being more independent from the shops and money, and having closer, less violent relationships with Human People and all the other People, Lakes, Trees, Squirrels. I wonder if I'll organize an Anarcho Primitivist Gathering 2010 in Finland... anyone wanna plan with me?

+ some of the Scottish people has written her own description of the camp here: http://www.indymediascotland.org/node/11705

Here´s some wonderful lyrics, first in Finnish, then below in English.

Ihminen - esittänyt Zen Café

sinä olet ihminen muistatko
sinä olet aava ja rannikko
sinä olet tuulia latvoissa
natiseva silta ja nauloja
sinä olet ihminen muistatko

Human - by Zen Café

you are a human, do you remember
you are the open sea and the coast
you are the winds in the top of the trees
a creaking bridge and nails
you are a human, do you remember

And here´s some wise words, phrases I love:

Do you remember when the Land held your hand?
my hood is the wood
no shame + no control + have love + have community
I dream, therefore I am
the sexiest thing is trust
no courage for love = too scared to be happy
I came, I saw, I cried
Does she remember what we taught her about self-love, self-respect?