Here´s some wonderful lyrics, first in Finnish, then below in English.

Ihminen - esittänyt Zen Café

sinä olet ihminen muistatko
sinä olet aava ja rannikko
sinä olet tuulia latvoissa
natiseva silta ja nauloja
sinä olet ihminen muistatko

Human - by Zen Café

you are a human, do you remember
you are the open sea and the coast
you are the winds in the top of the trees
a creaking bridge and nails
you are a human, do you remember

And here´s some wise words, phrases I love:

Do you remember when the Land held your hand?
my hood is the wood
no shame + no control + have love + have community
I dream, therefore I am
the sexiest thing is trust
no courage for love = too scared to be happy
I came, I saw, I cried
Does she remember what we taught her about self-love, self-respect?

Who I live with, who gives me attention, theirselves

I've been living at a school's dormitory in a countryside place called Pernaja near the eastern coast of Finland for almost 2 months now. I have one good friend here and some pals. In and near Helsinki where I've been living until now I have much more close friends accessible, and now I notice how horrible their absence feels. I'm so happy this Sami-friend is here. It would be hard without anyone who really wanted to hear my thoughts. But I'm still missing some ways of communicating no-one here happens to have with me, or having more of them, somehow. With some people and animals I have this utter playfulness, running around, screaming, being ridiculous. I miss that craziness, that spirit in someone's eyes, that spark. It just says "let's play".

I've been thinking if my relations here could evolve into having the things I miss, but I'm uncertain - I don't want to approach people with the intention of changing them. And maybe some things just are or are not. For example people's interest in me, which is moderate, but only that. I want more. I want more playmates. And I don't understand why everyone is not interested in me - or I know in a sense that I'm not interested in everyone either and people are different, but I do think of myself as really interesting anyway! Where's all the attention? I just wish I had it. But I don't feel like it's fruitful to ask for it from the most of the people here. They just don't care.

I wonder if I could have a better relationship with the nature here. It's so good that there is nature. I just miss the feeling of conversating, that someone hears my songs, that someone gestures in return. That someone gives me back. Like Marilyn Manson sings:

Lie to me
Cry to me
Give to me
I would

Lie with me
Die with me
Give to me
I would

I feel like I need to have someone notice me to survive.

Maybe it would be good to have humbleness in the issue why everyone doesn't flock to my arms, it is true that everyone doesn't find everything fascinating. But I'm also thinking about how to help myself in this need for attention.

Maybe Sami's and nature's friendship are enough for me for the year I'm planning to spend here, but if they are not, I'll have to find something.

I would so wish these people would just find it good to be with me, just be, give themselves to me.

EDIT a few minutes later:
I would like to be as independent as possible, because independence in a sense means you are always happy, since you are always where you are. In this theme that would mean feeling happy even when lacking the company of dear friends - maybe "having the skill to be happy". But I also feel that to feel good I must feel that the world loves me as I love the world - and these people, they all do not love me, or show it. But I must surround myself with beings that do, be that forest or something else.

Does "the skill to be happy without friends" even exist? To me, it seems to be about memory and ability to sense: as long as you can remember being loved, or sense love of you around you, from anything at all, for example the stone wall of a cold prison cell, you will have that need satisfied, you will feel loved.

Or you can feel that you do not need anything, as I have sometimes felt. It is a good feeling, it is a sort of pure happiness. I wonder if I could have it again. With it, this concern of not having enough company would cease to exist.

One voice tells me: humans are pack animals. Do you remember the dolphins who die when caged alone, the babies who die, having all else but emotional attention, emotional echo?