on closeness/sex - basis for workshop

These notes came when I was planning a closeness/orgy workshop for Urvision 2008 and now, when I'm planning another for Rikkaruoho 2009. The workshops are meant to be discussions, not lectures, but I wanted to list the points that are central for me when thinking about our relation to closeness and sex and that of our society's.

-what does closeness mean for human beings?
-closeness is a necessity for the human animal as a child, and for most of us it is also healing as adults. Do we get enough closeness in young and old age in this culture? How about in other cultures? In some societies (at least some gatherer-hunter societis) children are breastfeeded to the age of 4-6 and carried constantly for at least their first year. In Latino cultures there is more touching. In some cultures it's an offence if one takes one's own lice off herself and doesn't let someone else do it. In some Western elder's nursing homes lonely old people are given robotic pets to hold and care for.
-non-sexual and sexual closeness should be seen as different, in the sense that one should learn to say she wants only non-sexual closeness, if she does.
-what is sex? Our perception of it is usually built on the picture that the media gives of it. Our culture is very fixated on fast vagina-penis copulation, although sex can also be enjoyed in many other ways and paces. In a fine book about polyamory called The Ethical Slut I stumbled upon the thought that sex is whatever feels sexual, for example sharing a milk shake with a lover.
What kind of an idea would we have of sex without the media, if we had while growing up found that tingling feeling on our own, without any assumptions about what it could mean?
-how do we, grown up in this culture, relate to our own bodies? The media depicts only one kind of people, and the hygiene product and make-up industry tries hard to get us doubt our looks and smells are right and beautiful. We grow up to think supermodels are normal and we are not. At least when we go to the swimming hall, we see human bodies in all the varieties they come. When we were in the Anarcho-Primitivist Gathering 2008 in Poland, and spent most of the time quite naked, upon seeing friends and lovers show affection to each other on a party evening, my friend said to me: "It's wonderful to see all these bodies being loved". It made me happy too, all of us with our round bellies and hairy legs and everything getting so many hugs.
We should also remember, that beauty ideals vary in different cultures. For example sturdiness in women has been and is in many cultures an ideal. This can be seen in the old Venus statues and in Finnish folk songs. Also when looking at differents artists' ways of depicting humans, it can be seen that they all love to exaggerate different parts of the body: someone's favourite forms are round shoulders, thick thighs, big noses.
I have read about some Native Americans having the belief that the body is sacred, and that if one does not have respect for their own body, they are showing disrespect to the whole of creation.
-is sex always intimate both physically and emotionally? Are there differences between the two kinds? Can one realx with a new person and trust them to the extent that one is capable of feeling pleasure, and not just think "am I doing this right?" For some of us a trusting atmoshpere is a necessity for sex: "the sexiest thing is trust". I myself feel that often the most satisfying thing about sex is feeling acepted and loved.
-can sex be abused like a drug? It's sometimes used as a source of instant pleasure, a distraction from anxiety. A partner has once said to me "I NEED to have sex with you, I just NEED it", when I had declined her proposition of sex. I felt pressured.
-sexual boundaries: one can ask anything, and one can always answer no
-to have good sex one needs to have strong self love, so that they accept themselves whatever happens, and don't end up doing something they don't want to to get acceptance from others. Listen to yourself, listen to what you want to do, and if you're unsure, stay where you are or stay in the side.
-respect others. Listen to what is comfortable for others, ask if unsure. You can't demand someone to please you. Respect everyone's freedom and own will, that they own their own bodies.

After discussing these themes, I will maybe organize a hugpile for the people who want non-sexual closeness, and an orgy for the people who want to have group sex. This orgy will be centered on respect and some degree of tenderness/carefulness, it's not a place for sadomasochism. We will gather an orgy etiquette on the spot and only those can join who commit to not break the etiquette.

I'll probably add some more on this subject, but here's wht I felt like writing now.

RIKKARUOHO, ecoanarchist action days 8.-10.5. in Helsinki

I got the idea to organize ecoanarchist action days in spring, and soon got a lot of people to do it with me. So it's gonna happen! Here's the ad in textual form (hopefully we get a poster soon as well). Pass this on freely!


RIKKARUOHO (means weed in Finnish, and not pot-weed, just plants you weed from the garden)
Green anarchist action days in Fri8.-Sun10.5.2009
@ Sosiaalikeskus Sompasaari, Kyläsaarenkatu 11, Helsinki, Finland

Workshops
-recognition and use of wild greens
-communities - traditional ecovillages and anarcho-primitivistic/nomadic
-organizing rewilding camps in Finland, for example Anarcho-Primitivist Gathering 2010 in Finland
-primitive skills meetings, local/travelling around
-the situation of the Sámi people
-handicraftsworkshops, for example making baskets/nets/light shoes
-local exchange economies and web forums
-polyamory discussion (polyamory= one has several steady partners/friend-lovers)
-closeness/sex discussion (if we want we can organize separately an orgy too!)
-plant medicine
-natural way to bring children up
-natural birth control
-straight action (or what is is in English?), defending nature
-discussion on where to go to learn primitive skills, schools etc
-climate change
-gene manipulation
-nuclear power

Movies
-Last Yoik in Sámi Forests
-Dead Society
-What a Way to Go: Life at the End of Empire, with clips of Daniel Quinn, Derrick Jensen, Chellis Glendinning, Richard Heinberg, Richard Manning, Jerry Mander and others.

etcetc bring your ideas and movies!

Shopping alley
Sell/give your zines and books! Patches, handicrafts and tables of NGOs related to green anarchism also welcome.

The structure will probably be something like:
09-10 breakfast
10-12 workshop 1
12-13 lunch
13-15 workshop 2
15.30-17.30 workshop 3
17.30-18.30 dinner
movies, playing our own instruments and dancing in the evening

We still need people who could hold workshops, cook vegan food, bring and show movies. Anyone? Mail me! ronja.aarniala@gmail.com And spread this message.
(NOTE: most of these workshops will happen, but a few are still uncertain. We mean to organize at least all the following workshops.)