I'm currently on a biking trip with my friend. We've been around in Finland until now, visited the anarchist festival Musta Pispala in Tampere, and then the ecovillages of Keuruu and Gaija. Found some good thoughts and people in all of them. Now we're heading to the south coast, we're gonna bike and take little ferries through the Åland Islands to Stockholm. From Stockholm we'll bike to the anarcho-primitivist camp Urvision, which I'm really anticipating, it's my favourite event of the year.
I've been enjoying the biking and the not-so-civilized areas we've camped in, and the company of my friend. But I notice once more how I nevertheless never stop feeling immense sorrow and pain. How tragic it is that this world is in a sense a paradise but how most humans do not act accordingly these days. Thinking about the roots of civ - of overpopulation, and how to deal with it, how to avoid creating civilizations.
Tori Amos has a song called ii eee, where she sings:
well I know
we're dying
and there's no sign of a parachute
in this chapel, little chapel of love
can't we have a little grace and some elegance
no we scream in cathedrals
why can't it be beautiful
why does there gotta be a sa sa sacrife
I just feel like this way of life isn't life anymore. That living is more about sorrow than joy, more about dying, withering, than blossoming.
I know it's gonna get worse. I know the collapse is gonna bring more suffering right up to my face. But ... do I believe it will get better after the die-off? Is there a future to await, to live for? Will civ collapse in my lifetime, will I get to see the post-collapse world/Scandinavia?
If not, why live? I don't know if there's enough happiness and sanity left in this world to sustain me. And I don't consider it wrong to end my life if I can't bear the pain.
This has lead me to question the purpose of my life... Last year in Poland, one rewilder told me that he wants to do what the land wants him to do. I began to wonder if I feel the world wants me to exist. Do I serve Creation? Does my being bring beauty to the world, does it help and heal others? Or should I rather give space to others and make the world have one less human?
What do I wish still to experience in this world? Do I want to start a rewilding community in some remote place, try to survive the collapse and see if I could ever find a way to live in a community that would feel human, dignified? Do I wish to hold a baby child born in that community and trust that s/he would feel less pain in her life that I have?
Do I want to see light playing in the pine trees?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
den 23 september 2009
09:05
I think you nailed it with the last question. What do you want?
I was searching the web for reflections on urvision, but decided my little 'hello, how are you' were better placed here, then on your next post, however delightful it is to read about your experience (since I only got to stay for 24h myself).
The world as a whole is probably to busy to have an opinion on your particular existence, but parts of it might. You made my visit to urvision brighter, and I'm glad to know you're around somewhere in Finland, making the world a better place.
Most of us here in scandinavia are a strain on the environment, but if that is to change, people like you, champions of nature and truthsayers, are much needed. You bring hope of a change of course. And even if hope is lost, let us go down with dignity.
We might live in a degrading world and a degrading society, but as individuals I believe we do well to keep our dignity in attitude and actions. Show your fellow passengers a better course or maneuver yourself to the rudder. Jumping ship won't clear us from the iceberg.
Meanwhile, searching out pockets of fresh air, where dignity and sanity prevails, for sustenance, I find these abound. Not always long lived, often small and diffuse, they amount to a great hope and joy. Urvision is one such pocket. You were thinking of creating your own.
Let not your joy of life and pride be dampened by the sorrows and foolishness of others. If the world wants anything, it is for you to be the star that you were born to be, for you to follow your own will.
Seeing that you write about love in a more recent post, I guess my comment are superfluous. Love tend to put all considerations of the purpose of life in the background, or perhaps make it very clear. I hope it works out well.
/Petter (I didn't really get a chance to know you, as with most people on urvision, but we exchanged some compliments on our dancing. You might have taken it for politeness, when in fact you danced like the queen of that forest.
Post a Comment