A world that speaks, a world that lives

I absolutely need to be in contact with entities that communicate with me. I need to feel pain and joy with them and feel their pain and joy. I need to feel that all the time. During my time in Kuggom, I have found out that if I don't share a connection with the humans around me, I begin to talk with other beings - the forest nearby or someone further. Sometimes, if I'm lonely, I kind of pray for comfort - and I feel many beings answer. I feel that I need a friend with me who would understand me - and I know that these beings exist in the world, some of whom I've met, some I've not (or have I, in dreaming)? Sometimes I call for them ("calling for my soul / from the corners of the world", like Tori Amos sings) to feel that wonderful wordless direct connection - the ease of understanding that I have with my kin. Because it's sometimes hard to be with people who are too different from me. I miss home, my relations that are home.

Sometimes, when I dream, usually in my sleep, I scatter myself, send myself away, relax so that I kind of fall though worlds. This, I feel, is of the same essence of communicating with the world, melting to be the world... This dreaming is what is me, it's what I do. It's what I am as a river, one swirl in a greater river. (I'm sorry if some of you don't understand my language of thought-flow, but it's hard to speak of this in any other way: if you ask, I can try, though.)

I'm certain this could be thought of as psychotic, or shamanistic. One can call this spirituality, or escapism, a voluntary lie or the truth behind it all: but whatever it is, it's something that keeps me sane. Because I can't live in a world that doesn't talk to me, a world that doesn't live.